We're facebook friends in real life
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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