look no pants
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Randomize
