i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
