Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
