the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
