I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize