I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
