i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
