I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
