My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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