its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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