...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
