Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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