i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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