I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
