you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
