she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize