Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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