weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
