What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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