I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize