i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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