I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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