ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
