My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
