Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
