im drinking this country out of the recession.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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