So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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