everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
