i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
OPIZZABONMYDICK
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
