so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
