super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
