that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
