if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
