im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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