woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
