Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
