Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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