don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
