Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
