so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
