you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
