There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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