Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
well you can't waste a boner
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
