I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize