It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That accounts for only three of the penises
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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