i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
