Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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