i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
