This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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