there's paper in my vomit.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
