I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drunk is not a location!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
