he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
