some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
