"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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