I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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