A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
