There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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