people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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