smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
