The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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