i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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