mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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