she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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